Life According to lights

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Location: Middle of Nowhere, Northern Ontario, Canada

Tuesday, January 31

Chainsaw Massacre!

Crazed chainsaw snowman massacre rocks sleepy little town in Northern Ontario. News at 11.

Sunday, January 29

A Blanket of White

That's what's outside my door. It's been snowing since very early this morning and not expected to stop until sometime tomorrow. Or maybe next week. So far we've got about six inches. Dave's outside snowblowing the driveway right now and I'd bet he'll be doing it again tomorrow night. Our driveway is huge and it takes about 2 hours to do it all.

Friday night we went to Rescue Ray's house for supper. We had a nice visit with him and his wife. Ray burnt his wrist on the woodstove last week and got second degree burns so he's off work for a week or so and he's going a little stir crazy sitting still. They have such a beautiful home. We haven't been there for a long time and every time I go there I don't want to leave. It's a log home and I swear if it was mine I'd never leave home.

We didn't get home until 11:30pm and found a bunch of messages about our planned snowmobile ride for Saturday. It was too late to return the calls then so we fell into bed because we were beat. At 8:30 Saturday morning the phone started ringing again so we got our plans made and the race to get ready began. Tomorrow is Kade's 40th birthday and we were all a little apprehensive about making plans for a big party because he has his new girlfriend and we didn't want to step on her toes, so to speak.

Nobody seemed to want to step up and make plans so I finally said that we'd go for our ride and then all get together for supper at our house afterwards. I raced around trying to come up with a simple menu that wouldn't take much work after a long day on the trails. We had 10 adults and two kids coming for supper. We ended up BBQing burgers and Italian sausage with salads. I had some appetizers in the freezer and some shrimp that did the trick until the last guests arrived around 8pm. It was a mad rush but we had a great time and I'm glad that we could celebrate his 40th with him.

The ride was beautiful. It was a really warm day and we took a couple drinks and munchies with us. When we'd stop for a break it was so warm that we were all taking our coats off. The snow conditions were great and we all had a blast. It's days like yesterday that make me remember how much I really do love winter. I thought of all my blogbuddies during the ride and wished I could bring you all for a snowmobile ride.

I did notice that the snowman's head fell off on Friday. Poor thing looks so funny with his head laying there beside him. I think I'll leave it like that.

Tuesday, January 24

Locked in a closet

That's where my nephew Matt thinks he'll be spending a week in March. How did he arrive at such a thought you ask? Sunday night my Mom called and asked me to go online and find some flight prices for my sister and BIL to Florida. When I called to give them to her Matt answered the phone. He said that he'd heard that Dave and I were coming to stay at their house while his parents were in Florida. I said yes, and and that he had better behave himself and get all his homework done quickly for me. He tried to be a tough guy and I told him that I had a little story to tell him.

I told him that when Jamie was little, Dave and I went to Florida and left Jamie with his (Matt's) parents. At some point during the week my BIL locked him in a closet. Jamie still jokes about that story. So I told Matt that paybacks were a bitch and that he'd better be on his best behavior.

So while I'm giving my sister prices Matt comes running upstairs and I can hear him asking his Mom, "Will she really lock me in a closet?" *snicker*

I am pretty sure that I won't be locking anyone in a closet but I will keep that option open strictly for scare tactics. Should be a fun week. Best part? I will be able to sleep in and only a 10 minute ride to work!

Monday, January 23

Election Day

Help me. I have no idea who to vote for. In the past month I've considered voting for Harper, Martin and Layton. My Dad and I had a bit of a talk about politics about 2 weeks ago in which he jokingly (I think) told me not to vote Liberal because he didn't want me to cancel out his Conservative vote. I may do that just so I can taunt him about it. I have until after work to decide. Bob? Wanna help your minion decide?

Work has been crazy hectic. We still haven't replaced the accounting person so I'm the only one in the office these days. That means no lunch break for me. Hell, I even have to ask someone to answer the phone for me so I can take a pee break. I'm getting tired of this.

For the second weekend in a row I never stepped foot outside the house from Friday night until Monday morning. It's hibernation time for me. I've managed to get a lot done. My desk is the cleanest it's been since I first bought it about ten years ago. I'm about eight pages into my Cozumel scrapbook. I baked blueberry muffins yesterday. They weren't as good as the banana muffins I made last week.

I'm starting to get a little excited over this Niagara Falls thing. It should be a very interesting weekend. I only wish more of the blogpeeps could make it.

Wednesday, January 18

Slip Sliding Away

Well, that was fun. Last evening and overnight we had continuous freezing rain. Early this morning it changed to rain in town and snow where I live. Everything is covered in a very thick layer of ice. We left home at 5:50 am, giving ourselves an extra 10 minutes to get to work. The highway was pretty snowy but not bad enough to stay home. As we got closer to North Bay the snow started turning to rain and the highway became really slushy. Slush sucks, almost as much as glare ice.

When we got to Dave's work the parking lot and driveway were glare ice. He pulled in and managed to get the car turned around and pointed in the right direction without hitting anything. I crawled over into the driver's seat and waited until he got in the building before I started the not-so-controlled slide down the driveway to the street. All the way to my office I wondered what the hill leading to it was going to be like. Would my Ray of Sunshine have been there already and sanded the hill? Or would it be like a luge track, freshly shined and greased up, ready for some fun?

The road that leads to my office isn't a major street. As you pull off the main street you go uphill for a bit and then, after the crest of the hill, you go down and at the bottom of the hill there's a 90 degree turn. Our parking lot is on that corner. At the entrance is a steel gate with arms that swing open and closed. I usually arrive after the gate has been opened but sometimes have to wait for the guy with the key to arrive at 7am.

As I approached the turnoff I noticed that there was sand on the upside of the hill so I said a little thank you to the Ray of Sunshine. When I got to the crest of the hill the trail of sand disappeared and I rescinded the thank you. As I drove over the crest I saw glare ice; one of my co-worker's 4X4 truck in the ditch; my work husband's truck, with his new snowmachine in the back, stopped in the middle of the road; and at the bottom of the hill yet another co-worker's van sitting awfully close to the gate.

Fuck! I tried the brakes. That turned me sideways. I pumped the brakes. That slowed me down but I was still sliding. I didn't really care about my car, it's old and I could use a new one, but I was worried about hitting my co-worker's nice new trucks. Somehow I managed to slide to a stop, sideways in the road, just over the crest of the hill. Now I'm worried that someone else will come over the hill and hit me.

The guys came up to my car and filled me in on their adventures. The van had arrived first and slammed into the gate. The air bags deployed, his glasses were broken, and pieces of the gate were found about 500 feet away. At least he was unhurt. Next up on the "ride" was another co-worker, who was driving his Mom's car as his truck died yesterday. He came over the hill and saw the van in the gate, tried to slow down and couldn't and ended up in a deep ditch near the bottom of the hill. The roof of the car is level with the road. No serious damage, so far anyways, we'll see when they get him out. This is what my work husband found as he crested the hill. He managed to get stopped just before the steepest part of the hill. Soon after the next truck came along and when he saw the truck with the snowmachine in the middle of the road he ended up in the ditch with the back end of his truck sideways on the road, which is about the only thing that would have stopped him, well, other than the gate but it was already "open".

I stayed inside my car the whole time. Being a girl has it's advantages and I felt no shame in using them this morning. I mean, the rain would have killed my fabulous hair. It wasn't long until my knight in shining armour arrived. Ray to the rescue! The guys were all teasing me about my boyfriend arriving to save me and joking about how I was going to repay him. It was crazy on that hill. Ray had to call for backup because he couldn't get through all the vehicles to sand the hill and none of us could move anywhere.

They finally arrived with sand and shovels and got us off to the side so the grader and Ray could fix the hill. It was 8:10 by the time I finally got into the office, an hour late but all in one piece. The best part of the day is that because of the icey parking lot Mean Jean stayed home. *grin* I'm sure it had nothing to do with my phone call telling the boss how treacherous it was.

So? Did anyone else have that much fun before 8am? How was your morning?

Monday, January 16

Playing Catch up!

  • I am so far behind today that I think I'm ahead.
  • I added water to my waterbed on the weekend and now I can lay on my side without "bottoming out".
  • This weekend I finally finished my scrapbook from my trip to Alaska in Sept '04.
  • Next up is one from my trip to Cozumel last April but I have mixed feelings about doing it for two reasons. a) It took place during a very rough time in my life and b) one of the couples that went have since split up and both of these things make me sad thinking about them.
  • It's fucking cold again.
  • My work husband is pissing me off today. Actually, everyone at work is pissing me off today.
  • I need a haircut.
  • If I don't get around to your blog to say hi right away, don't think it's because I don't like you, k?

Friday, January 13

Ack!!! Friday the 13th!

This morning when I arrived at work, I was turning the key off in my car when I heard a big truck pull in the driveway and pull up behind me. It's 7am and still very dark and I'm all alone in the parking lot in a very isolated area. I'm thinking to myself, this is the stuff that slasher movies are made of. Lock the car door, drive away, grab your cell phone and call 911!

Not really, I was pretty sure that it was my friend Ray, who drives a city snowplow/sander and always makes sure that the hill by my office is well plowed, sanded and salted during the winter. He's a sweetheart. It was indeed him so I got out of the car and tried to walk over to see him. The ground was still covered in ice from Wednesday's storm. I managed to stay upright, got a nice hug and chitchatted for a few minutes. When he left he asked if there was anyone else around and when I said no he said, "Okay, you didn't see this." and then he sanded the path I had to walk to get to the office.

Now that it's daylight I had to laugh when I saw the path of sand that leads from my car to the door. I can't believe nobody's commented on it.

Thursday, January 12

Conversations gone wrong

Part of my job is to purchase steel for the shop to make things out of. We record our stock levels by the inch for bars and tubes and by the square foot for plate. I probably talk to this particular steel supplier three or four times a week so we've gotten to know each other fairly well but not THIS well.

Here's the transcript from this morning's conversation.

me: Do you want to fax me the prices or do you have time to do them now?

him: I'll do you right now.

me: Sounds good.

him: I forget, how do you like it? By the foot or by the inch?

me: *speechless*

me: *regaining composure* By the inch please.

Who knew buying steel could be so much fun?

Tuesday, January 10

Chapter Four - Decision Time

When I pulled in the driveway I saw tried to pull myself together. I was suddenly a scared little girl again after thinking I was so grown up. I forced myself to go in the house even though I just wanted to start the car again and keep driving. If I didn't tell my Mom right that minute I was going to lose what little courage I had left. I found my Mom in the kitchen, my brother and sister sitting at the table having lunch. I couldn't even look at any of them, I just kept walking upstairs to my bedroom and called to Mom that I needed to talk to her as I headed upstairs.

I was sitting on my bed when she got to my doorway. She looked at me and I started crying again as I blurted out the words, "Mom, I'm pregnant." All of a sudden she looked every single minute of her 40 years. I've never forgotten her reply. All she said was, "Oh, Linda." And then, after a few seconds of silence, "I should have known that two people couldn't spend as much time together without getting involved." I don't think much else was said other than me asking her to tell Dad because I just couldn't face him. I was so ashamed of myself for letting them down. I felt so guilty about hurting them that way. It wasn't until many years later when my son called me to tell me that his girlfriend was pregnant that I fully understood how my Mom had felt that day. It was more sadness that my hopes and dreams for him would be much more difficult to reach than anger or hurt.

My Dad didn't speak to me or look at me for three days. We avoided each other as much as possible. Mom talked to me about choices. She said that they would support me in whatever decision we made. I could have the baby and put it up for adoption. I could have the baby and live at home. Or, we could get married. I don't remember abortion being an option.

I had never dreamed of being a Mom like many other girls my age. Dave and I had talked about our future but I don't really remember that including children. Not that we had ever said we didn't want kids, we just never really thought about it. I guess we were too busy screwing. *snicker* But, that day at the doctor's office, when the doctor had given me the option of adoption I knew right away that I couldn't give up our child. We were in love, we planned to stay together and somehow we would make it work.

After three days of silence, Mom told me that her and Dad wanted to talk to Dave and I so I went and picked Dave up and brought him home. My brother and sister were 11 and 12 years old and had gigantic ears so we needed somewhere to talk where they wouldn't overhear us. I'm not sure who made the suggestion but, to this day, it's still a joke in our family that if there's a serious conversation to be had, you head to the car in the driveway. There we were, Mom and Dad in the front seat of Mom's Zephyr (aka: the zipper) and Dave and I in the back seat. I guess they figured the damage was done so it was okay for us to being in the back seat. *grin*

Dave and I had talked for hours on end about what we should do. He said that he was okay with whatever I wanted to do. I didn't want to embarrass my family any more than I already felt I had so I thought we should get married. That was it. No proposal, just a decision. We told our parents of our decision and Mom and Dad read the riot act to Dave and told him that he had better step up and take good care of their daughter. I'm sure he was shitting his pants but he looked my Dad in the eye and promised that he would.

Once the decision was made my Mom became SuperMom. She was just starting a new school year and now she was planning a wedding too. A friend's Mom got me an interview at the company where she worked and I ended up getting the job. It was a very good job given my lack of experience and it was perfect timing. I un-registered from the college program I'd been accepted to and went to work. Dave was working for his Mom and Dad at their garage but he wasn't making much money so he was trying desperately to find a better job.

My family and friends put on wedding showers for me and the date was set for November 4th. Dave's Mom drove my Mom to the point of tears many times and we tried to keep the peace. Our parents never got along. They were polite (most of the time) but they were just too different to ever be friends. We rented a small apartment in North Bay and started furnishing it with second-hand furniture and our brand new wedding and shower presents. The wedding went off only minor glitches and on the Sunday night we went home to our dingey little apartment and I cried. Poor Dave. He held me and assured me that we'd be okay as I cried myself to sleep.

I celebrated my 18th birthday in that crappy little apartment pregnant, with an absess tooth, unable to take any painkillers. Dave bought me 18 red roses and sat with me on the couch watching our black and white tv with "stolen cable". He had spliced into the neighbor's cable. It was kind of snowy, but it was cheap. *giggle*

Two days after Christmas we invited Dave's Mom, Dad, Aunt and Uncle for supper. After supper his Mom smelled smoke and we discovered the building was on fire. We all got out fine. Dave almost ended up going back in because he couldn't find me outside in the commotion but his Dad wouldn't let him. His Dad knew that I was out safely. We ended up having to move back into my parent's house until our apartment was cleaned. That didn't happen so after a month of living with them we found a new apartment and our married life finally began.

We were very happy in that apartment. Dave's parents laid him off at the garage which, in hindsight, forced him to take action. He enrolled in a welding course at the local college and was able to collect unemployment benefits while attending. We were broke but we were quite happy. In April Dusterbaby was born and our little family was complete. Dave graduated from college and got a job at the same company I worked for. I had gone back to work when Dusterbaby was two months old.

We've now been married for 27 years. We've had many rough spots, even quite recently, but we've struggled through. We've also had a ton of great times and I'm proud of us. We've come a long way. Writing this was a great reminder of just how far we have come and I'm so glad that I did it. Thanks for reading it.

Monday, January 9

Chapter Three - Clearing up some mistakes

Last night as I was trying to get to sleep I was thinking about the timing of everything I’ve been writing about and I realized that I screwed up. Cut me some slack, it was a really long time ago. It was the summer of ’76 that I moved but it wasn’t until the next school year that I actually met Dusterboy. So when I said he was celebrating his 19th birthday I was wrong, it was his 20th and I was 16 at the time, not 15. I had completely lost a year. The summer of 1977 I worked and lived at a tourist lodge and hung out with the owner’s son, who was also a friend of the guy who had the party apartment. The owner’s son was a total sweetheart and he used to play guitar and sing Rocky Raccoon to me. I have a weakness for a guy who sings to me. It was fun while it lasted and I benefited from hanging out with him because the owner’s were very strict with the girls that stayed there but I got away with staying out late because I was with their son.

Therefore, the summer that I worked for the town rec association it was 1978 and I was 17. I had graduated from Grade 12 in January and worked for Dave’s Mom doing the books for their service station until June. My parents were pressuring me to apply for college but I had no idea what I wanted to do because I was totally wrapped up in Dave. I’m way too anal to not clarify all of that but now that I have I can go on with the story.

Early that summer there was a bluegrass festival in a nearby town and a bunch of us went to it. It was a 3 day thing and was just a huge party. We took my big blue tent and it was the first time my parents gave me permission to go somewhere like that. We had a blast.

Soon after the bluegrass festival I realized I'd missed my period. And then I started to gag every time I lit a cigarette so I ended up quitting. And then I started feeling really crappy in the morning. More missed periods and swelling oobies convinced me that it was time to make a doctor’s appointment. The doctor confirmed my greatest fear. It was the end of August and I was due on April 1st. Nice April Fool’s joke there Doc. I left the doctor’s office and drove to Dave’s Dad’s garage and as soon as I saw him I started to cry and he knew. He hugged me and tried to tell me that everything would be okay but it wasn’t him that had to go break the news to my parents. After a bunch more tears I left him there and drove home to tell my Mom.

Sorry to cut this short but Dave’s best friend got a job offer today in Fort McMurray, Alberta today so they came over for a couple beer to celebrate. It’s getting late and I’m tired so I’ll try and finish this novel up tomorrow. *grin*

Sunday, January 8

Chapter Two - Who's it gonna be?

So where was I? Oh ya, cooking canned potatoes. So that was my second face to face encounter with Dusterboy. My girlfriend was actually much more interested in him than I was at that point. It certainly wasn't love at first sight. She talked about him all the time and then, as fate would have it, she ended up sick and spent a week in hospital and had her tonsils removed so she was out of the picture for a few weeks. One weekend while she was sick I spent the night at my other friend's house. You remember, the one with the brother? She was still living a pretty sheltered life and I convinced her to come to town with me and go to the hangout apartment.

There were a bunch of people there and we each had a couple beer. I was sitting at the kitchen table and at one point an empty chair appeared beside me. This guy, Andrew, was just about to sit down in it when Dusterboy grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and pulled him out of the chair and then sat down himself. Everyone laughed but Dusterboy just turned to me, winked and smiled. I was surprised, flattered, and embarrassed. I couldn't believe that this "drug-dealing, car-racing, long-haired, big city born and raised, much older (4 years makes a big difference when you're 15) guy was hitting on me.

The room was lit by black light (it was the 70s afterall) and I was wearing white socks and a white shirt (and yes, I did have jeans on too but they didn't glow) so I kind of stood out in the dark basement apartment. I have no idea what we talked about but I do remember him laughing about watching my white socks bop around as my feet moved to the music. As the night went on he moved closer and closer to me and put his hand on my leg or put his arm around the back of my chair. He told me I was hypnotizing him and stayed by my side the entire night and when it was time for me and my friend to start walking back to her house he said that we could stay a little longer and he'd drive us home.

This was my first ride in the infamous Duster. I suddenly felt so grown up, or so I thought. He dropped us off a little way up the road so that my friend's parents wouldn't see us getting out of his car because, by this time, the Duster had a reputation for trouble. Just before I got out of the car he leaned over, put his arm around me, cradled the side of my face in his hand and kissed me. It was a very nice kiss but I was still a little unsure about how to react and I was pretty nervous because I was staying at my friend's house and she was a little bit drunk and I still had to get her past her very strict parents and upstairs to bed. I don't know if I even slept that night. I just kept reliving that kiss over and over and thinking about Dusterboy being interested in me. My tonsilless (okay, so I made up that word) friend was not going to be happy. And somehow, that pleased the evil side of me. For once, I was going to get the guy.

I don't really remember exactly what the circumstances were the next time we met. He didn't call but we would see each other at the party place and we ended up spending more and more time together. There was no way I could bring him home as my parents would have locked me up and thrown away the key if they knew I was seeing him. They cursed him and his fast car all the time because he often raced with other guys on the quarter mile stretch in front of our house and I think they even called the cops on them once. I'd go to town on my own, meet up with him and then he'd drop me off down the road from my house so my parents wouldn't hear his car dropping me off.

Eventually I broke the news to my Mom that I was seeing him. She was not happy and tried to discourage our relationship as much as she could. Of course, I didn't understand it then but in hind sight, I can certainly understand it. If I had a daughter and she brought home someone with Dusterboy's reputation I would have felt the same way. He was my diamond in the rough. I could see past the grease and the rough exterior and see the kind, gentle, good person inside.

Eventually I met his family. Wow. They were as different as humanly possible from my family. They cursed and smoked (his Mom even smoked a little pot on occasion) and they were very open about sex. The first time he introduced me to his parents he was really drunk. They had met my friend's aunt and knew her name so when he said, "Mom, Dad, this is Cathy" I wasn't the only one that did a double-take. They called me Cathy Linda after that. His parents and 3 brothers lived in a 2 bedroom trailer, the four brothers sharing one tiny bedroom. We'd disappear into the bedroom, listen to music and make out a bit, but were alway interupted. Soon after we started dating his family moved into a big house but they still owned the trailer until it sold. Dave (who, by now you've guessed, is Dusterboy) lived in the trailer alone. There was a kitchen table and chairs, a bed, a fridge and stove and his stereo. What more did we need. He would pick me up and we'd go straight to the trailer and end up in bed. We'd listen to music, talk and fool around but technically I was still a virgin. I was terrified of getting pregnant and couldn't talk to my Mom about birth control. By this point I was blowing the hell out of my curfew and coming home in the wee hours of the morning.

I'm a little fuzzy on when we finally did the deed but I think it was that winter in his grandparents bed. Bet you weren't expecting that one huh? By this time the trailer was sold and his grandparents were in Florida for the winter so one night we broke in and made ourselves at home. *grin* I don't really remember enjoying the actual act all that much. I was much more into the foreplay.

My parents were still very unhappy about our relationship and my Mom even sent me off to Toronto for a week to stay with my cousins hoping that if I spent some time away from him I would realize that he was wrong for me. I spent the majority of that week hanging out with his friends that still lived there. Needless to say, Mom's plan failed miserably.

By now I was 16 and that summer I worked for the rec association in town. My family went away for a few weeks on a camping trip and left me home alone. As soon as they left, Dave moved in and we spent the whole time together. It was during this time that my friend and her boyfriend had the pizza box incident. *giggle* We never really fought. I'd get mad at him because he'd forget to call or come and pick me up all the time. One time he showed up 3 days late with his friend Teresa. I was pissed. I wasn't worried about him fooling around on me, I was just pissed that he'd left me sitting at home waiting.

Dave still wasn't a welcome person in our house. At best, my parents tolerated him. He lost his licence for impaired and that meant that I had to drive which also meant that the Duster now resided in our driveway. One morning I was sleeping in the tent trailer in the yard and woke up to the sound of a crash. My Dad had jumped in his truck and thrown it in reverse without looking and backed into the Duster. It smashed his tail light but only cracked the bondo on the Duster. My Dad cursed more that morning than I've ever heard him curse. He was so mad at me and I was extremely upset. Dave wasn't upset about his car but he was upset that my Dad had blamed me for parking that piece of shit in the wrong place. In truth, there would have been no right place for me to park it.

Okay, that's enough for now. You all probably need a pee break if you made it this far. I would have had this posted earlier today but halfway through it my friends showed up with their new snowmachines and wanted to go for a ride so I went with them to show them the trails. It was a fun day but I couldn't wait to get back and write some more.

Saturday, January 7

Chapter One - Getting to know me

First I want to say how much I've totally enjoyed reading the other stories that have been written. After reading a couple I just knew I'd have to write one too. My biggest concern is how I'll ever manage to keep it short. *snicker* So I hope you all have a comfy chair because this could end up being longer than a Survivor summary.

I led a very sheltered life until the age of 15. It was the summer of 1976 and my family moved from the outskirts of one side of our small town of 1200 to the outskirts of other side. I was heartbroken because I was leaving behind my best friend and her brother, who, incidently, had given me my first kiss. There were four families that lived close together at our old house, two of the families were my cousins and the other family was my friend and her brother. The adults often teased him and I about being boyfriend and girlfriend. Of course we protested but there was a certain chemistry there. Problem was, I was painfully shy and scared. I had no idea how to be a girlfriend. I wasn't an extremely popular kid at school. I had lots of friends but in our little circle at home I was happy and felt very safe. It was a very simple and sheltered life but it was all I knew and I was very unhappy about leaving it behind. I saw him just before Christmas and as he hugged me in front of my Mom and Dad, I wondered if he was thinking about that night many years ago when we stood on a bridge and kissed like I was.

My parents tried everything to bring me out of my funk when we moved across town. They let me paint my bedroom with a huge red, white, blue and black spiral/bullseye on my wall, they invited my friend over for visits and they encouraged me to go make friends with the girl who lived across the road. She was two years younger than me but she was two years older than me socially. She was blonde with big boobs and had Farrah Fawcett hair. I finally broke down and started hanging out with her. I'm sure my parents still regret pushing me into this friendship. *grin*

A whole new world opened up to me. We experimented with so much that summer. I had never even considered drinking or smoking or drugs prior to that summer but by the time September rolled around I'd tried them all. I was waking up sexually too. Until that summer I had only been kissed by my friend's brother and that was a very innocent, quick kiss that we both wanted to repeat but never did, probably because I was so shy.

One night my new friend and I were hanging out with one of the neighbor boys in his basement. His cousins from California were visiting and my friend was busy flirting with them. The neighbor boy and I ended up making out to Frampton Comes Alive and I never really thought about it until this very minute but I think it's kinda funny because it was probably that night that I felt like I came alive, so to speak. I bought that album soon after and listened to it constantly. It's still a favorite, although I now listen to it on CD, and always makes me think of that summer.

The neighbor boy and I somehow ended up in my Dad's hay field and he was the first boy to ever try to get me naked. It was one of those perfect summer nights. Clear and warm and the sky and my eyes were full of stars. I was terrified and elated all at the same time. I didn't want the moment to end but I didn't want to do something I'd regret either. Hell, I didn't even really know what he wanted to do because nobody had ever really discussed sex with me, not even my girlfriends. I was so clueless about the opposite sex. We groped and we kissed and he touched me in places I'd never been touched before. I still remember that night so clearly. I see him occaisionally now. He's a friend of my brother's and he always flirts with me when I see him but we've never mentioned that night again.

My friend was a bit of a slut. There, I said it. *giggle* She was the leader, I was the follower. She made out with so many boys while I sat and talked to the boy's friends. My Mom was a teacher in our small town and had taught all the boys in town so I don't know if they just weren't attracted to me or if they were afraid of the wrath of my Mom if she ever found out. My friend had an aunt who was a few years older than me and we hung out with her sometimes. She was able to buy alcohol and she was kinda dating this new guy in town that was rumored to be a drug dealer. He drove a white 1970 Duster and he was often racing his car along the road in front of my house late at night. My friend and I progressed from sneaking smokes from her Dad and beer from my Dad to our decision to try smoking pot. This is where the aunt comes in. Her friend with the white car could get us some so one weekend when my family was away my friend and I bought some from him. I didn't actually meet him, he just drove in my driveway and the aunt brought it to us.

During the school year my friend and I started spending more time in town on evenings and weekends. I had pretty strict curfews and I managed to meet them most of the time. We rode our bikes to town and one night we were riding by a friend's house and stopped to talk for a bit. While we were standing there, still straddling out bikes, Dusterboy pulled in the driveway. This was the first time I'd ever actually seen him up close. He had long hair, glasses, and he was the polar opposite of what we now call a metrosexual but he had a nice smile and he couldn't take his eyes off me. He walked up behind me and smacked me on the ass and said that he couldn't help himself, it was a nice ass. Sadly, it was time for me to head home so that was the end of that.

One of the guys we hung out with had his own apartment and it was the party place for our friends. One night I took the late bus home from school and had some time to kill before I got a ride home with my Dad so I went over to the apartment by myself to see if anyone was around. Dusterboy was there with him and they were celebrating his 19th birthday. They were "cooking" canned potatoes, canned veggies and pork chops. They were totally lost and I volunteered to cook for them. After they finished eating Dusterboy told me I'd make someone a good wife some day.

That's all for now. As much as I'd like to keep going, I don't think I should do this all in one chapter. *grin*

Friday, January 6

Baby It's Cccccold in here!

It's freaking cold in my office! I freeze in the summer because they crank up the AC and I freeze in the winter because they don't crank up the heat. My fingers and toes are frozen. Help me! I need warmth and I need it now!