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Location: Middle of Nowhere, Northern Ontario, Canada

Tuesday, January 10

Chapter Four - Decision Time

When I pulled in the driveway I saw tried to pull myself together. I was suddenly a scared little girl again after thinking I was so grown up. I forced myself to go in the house even though I just wanted to start the car again and keep driving. If I didn't tell my Mom right that minute I was going to lose what little courage I had left. I found my Mom in the kitchen, my brother and sister sitting at the table having lunch. I couldn't even look at any of them, I just kept walking upstairs to my bedroom and called to Mom that I needed to talk to her as I headed upstairs.

I was sitting on my bed when she got to my doorway. She looked at me and I started crying again as I blurted out the words, "Mom, I'm pregnant." All of a sudden she looked every single minute of her 40 years. I've never forgotten her reply. All she said was, "Oh, Linda." And then, after a few seconds of silence, "I should have known that two people couldn't spend as much time together without getting involved." I don't think much else was said other than me asking her to tell Dad because I just couldn't face him. I was so ashamed of myself for letting them down. I felt so guilty about hurting them that way. It wasn't until many years later when my son called me to tell me that his girlfriend was pregnant that I fully understood how my Mom had felt that day. It was more sadness that my hopes and dreams for him would be much more difficult to reach than anger or hurt.

My Dad didn't speak to me or look at me for three days. We avoided each other as much as possible. Mom talked to me about choices. She said that they would support me in whatever decision we made. I could have the baby and put it up for adoption. I could have the baby and live at home. Or, we could get married. I don't remember abortion being an option.

I had never dreamed of being a Mom like many other girls my age. Dave and I had talked about our future but I don't really remember that including children. Not that we had ever said we didn't want kids, we just never really thought about it. I guess we were too busy screwing. *snicker* But, that day at the doctor's office, when the doctor had given me the option of adoption I knew right away that I couldn't give up our child. We were in love, we planned to stay together and somehow we would make it work.

After three days of silence, Mom told me that her and Dad wanted to talk to Dave and I so I went and picked Dave up and brought him home. My brother and sister were 11 and 12 years old and had gigantic ears so we needed somewhere to talk where they wouldn't overhear us. I'm not sure who made the suggestion but, to this day, it's still a joke in our family that if there's a serious conversation to be had, you head to the car in the driveway. There we were, Mom and Dad in the front seat of Mom's Zephyr (aka: the zipper) and Dave and I in the back seat. I guess they figured the damage was done so it was okay for us to being in the back seat. *grin*

Dave and I had talked for hours on end about what we should do. He said that he was okay with whatever I wanted to do. I didn't want to embarrass my family any more than I already felt I had so I thought we should get married. That was it. No proposal, just a decision. We told our parents of our decision and Mom and Dad read the riot act to Dave and told him that he had better step up and take good care of their daughter. I'm sure he was shitting his pants but he looked my Dad in the eye and promised that he would.

Once the decision was made my Mom became SuperMom. She was just starting a new school year and now she was planning a wedding too. A friend's Mom got me an interview at the company where she worked and I ended up getting the job. It was a very good job given my lack of experience and it was perfect timing. I un-registered from the college program I'd been accepted to and went to work. Dave was working for his Mom and Dad at their garage but he wasn't making much money so he was trying desperately to find a better job.

My family and friends put on wedding showers for me and the date was set for November 4th. Dave's Mom drove my Mom to the point of tears many times and we tried to keep the peace. Our parents never got along. They were polite (most of the time) but they were just too different to ever be friends. We rented a small apartment in North Bay and started furnishing it with second-hand furniture and our brand new wedding and shower presents. The wedding went off only minor glitches and on the Sunday night we went home to our dingey little apartment and I cried. Poor Dave. He held me and assured me that we'd be okay as I cried myself to sleep.

I celebrated my 18th birthday in that crappy little apartment pregnant, with an absess tooth, unable to take any painkillers. Dave bought me 18 red roses and sat with me on the couch watching our black and white tv with "stolen cable". He had spliced into the neighbor's cable. It was kind of snowy, but it was cheap. *giggle*

Two days after Christmas we invited Dave's Mom, Dad, Aunt and Uncle for supper. After supper his Mom smelled smoke and we discovered the building was on fire. We all got out fine. Dave almost ended up going back in because he couldn't find me outside in the commotion but his Dad wouldn't let him. His Dad knew that I was out safely. We ended up having to move back into my parent's house until our apartment was cleaned. That didn't happen so after a month of living with them we found a new apartment and our married life finally began.

We were very happy in that apartment. Dave's parents laid him off at the garage which, in hindsight, forced him to take action. He enrolled in a welding course at the local college and was able to collect unemployment benefits while attending. We were broke but we were quite happy. In April Dusterbaby was born and our little family was complete. Dave graduated from college and got a job at the same company I worked for. I had gone back to work when Dusterbaby was two months old.

We've now been married for 27 years. We've had many rough spots, even quite recently, but we've struggled through. We've also had a ton of great times and I'm proud of us. We've come a long way. Writing this was a great reminder of just how far we have come and I'm so glad that I did it. Thanks for reading it.


Blogger Bravie said...

Yay. Thank you for the story. I laughed about the two of you in the back seat with your parents in the front. quite an ironic moment.

I'm glad that even though you have had ups and down that you have stuck it out and continued to work at it. That is something that has alway been important to me. Married couples working through the hard times. I admire couples who don't give up just because times have gotten hard. *smooch*
Now you're my hero. *grin*

Wed. Jan. 11, 12:10:00 a.m. EST  
Blogger Puffy said...

I agree with Carey. Great story and therapeutic to write it, I'm sure. Thanks for taking the time to share with us.

Wed. Jan. 11, 02:22:00 a.m. EST  
Blogger mm said...

okay, I've started it, but have to finish it tomorrow. I'm *loving* it, lights!

Wed. Jan. 11, 02:44:00 a.m. EST  
Blogger ~Nutz said...

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, Lightsy!

I really enjoyed getting to know you more through it.


Wed. Jan. 11, 07:49:00 a.m. EST  
Blogger Glowie said...

Great story, Lightsy. Obviously you two can work through things together. That's true love.


Wed. Jan. 11, 09:56:00 a.m. EST  
Blogger momma said...

I have to say, I'm quite proud of you two. You started out with a tough road ahead of you and you guys made it work. And you even still love each other. That's something I haven't seen very often in my life. *smooch*

Wed. Jan. 11, 09:57:00 a.m. EST  
Blogger Swami said...

Holy cow, Lights. You're a newly wed pregnant teen with an abscessed tooth and then your building catches on fire!?! {{{hugs for long ago, little Lights}}}

What a mess to live through! You are one special lady; you know that, don't you?

Wed. Jan. 11, 10:45:00 a.m. EST  
Blogger bobdechemist said...


Wed. Jan. 11, 10:55:00 a.m. EST  
Blogger bobdechemist said...

*points up*

I didn't mean that! It's a silly story! I am totally untouched!

Bob <--- NOT a sap.

Wed. Jan. 11, 10:56:00 a.m. EST  
Blogger Seana said...

What Swami said. And Carey.


Wed. Jan. 11, 11:26:00 a.m. EST  
Blogger BlindSlim~CSTL said...

Awwww...what a sweet ending to a beautiful story.

Wed. Jan. 11, 11:42:00 a.m. EST  
Blogger Monstah said...

I love you the most. (Just so you know)

Wed. Jan. 11, 01:11:00 p.m. EST  
Blogger MTW said...

Wow! What a story. had me teary-eyed all the way through 'til the end.

I agree with Nutzy, I enjoyed getting to know you better through your story.

I disagree with Carey, though. I think a married couple should just give up at the first sign of trouble!

Wed. Jan. 11, 03:40:00 p.m. EST  
Blogger Jen said...

Hi Lights. Sorry I've never visited before, but looks like I picked the perfect time to start. :)

Great story. Thanks for sharing.

Wed. Jan. 11, 03:49:00 p.m. EST  
Blogger lights said...

Thanks for all the kind comments everyone. I know it was long-winded so I appreciate you all taking the time to read it.

There have been many times when I was ready to thrown in the towel. I'm not sure if it's fear of going it alone or my tendancy towards tenacity that have kept me from taking that step but I am glad that we've stuck it out.

I can't tell you how much I've loved getting to know you all better since I found my way to blogworld. Thank you all for making me feel welcome and brightening every single day.

Nice to see you Jen!

LOL @ Bob and MTW.

*smooches & sinus med for the Monstah*

Wed. Jan. 11, 08:17:00 p.m. EST  
Blogger Syren said...


Thank you so much for sharing.

Wed. Jan. 11, 09:47:00 p.m. EST  
Blogger mm said...

Goodness, I was fine until the end, then I got all choked up. Thank you so much Lightsy. It is a great love story and I am so happy to see you still together.


Thu. Jan. 12, 02:46:00 a.m. EST  
Blogger Zombs said...

Oh Lightsy what a history! I love it.

It is the moments and memories that I love. For some reason you and MR. Lights in a crappy apartment watching a crappy tv is so romantic to me.

Without struggles how do we appreciate the good times!

Fri. Jan. 13, 12:21:00 p.m. EST  
Blogger Schnookie said...

Wow, 27 years. I loved reading your story Lightsy. And, having met both you and Mr. Lightsy, I'm so very happy that you both stuck things out because you both are wonderful! *HUGS*

Wed. Jan. 18, 02:46:00 p.m. EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yay! I finally caught up.

And again, I went back down to look at your family pic!

Wed. Jan. 18, 04:18:00 p.m. EST  

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