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Location: Middle of Nowhere, Northern Ontario, Canada

Saturday, March 13

Adventures in Dating....Chapter One: Bad Cop

Buggy made me do it!

It's been over a year since I wrote anything here but I think it's time to dust off the blog because I seem to have some stories to tell now that I've entered the dating world. What a long strange trip it's been.

I think most of you are aware of the change in my marital status since I last posted here. Dusterboy and I separated after 30 years and for the first time in my life I'm dating. Who knew that dating would be such an adventure.

The latest chapter in my dating life came to an abrupt end yesterday. I met "Bad Cop" on a dating website. He contacted me at the beginning of February shortly after I had broken up with "Mr. Perfect" (which is another blog for another day). Bad Cop is 44, single, never married, no kids. That alone should have been my first clue. He lives in Toronto and has a camp up here where he said he planned to move in a couple years when he retires. His job now is a desk job but he spent 20 years on the road as a cop in Toronto. We talked online, on the phone and texted each other for over a month before finally meeting in person last Friday.

We were both very excited about his week of vacation that he was spending up here. Plans were made to meet on Friday at his camp. I had gone out there the previous weekend to check it out before agreeing to meet him there and felt comfortable about it. My friends and family? Not so much. Friday night finally arrived and the big moment was upon us. There were a lot of laughs and plenty of sparks. He had made dinner and had country music playing for me...candles, wine and it was a great date. As luck would have it I had to leave for Toronto the next morning to attend my cousin's 25th anniversary party so I had to be up early the next morning. We talked and had a few drinks and danced in front of the fireplace until very early in the morning when I had to go home.

We texted each other all weekend while I was in Toronto and I couldn't wait to get home Sunday night because the plan was for me to go back out there for dinner when I got back. I got home Sunday night around 4:30 and was back to his place by 6pm. He was drinking rum when I got there but I kept thinking, he's on big deal. It was my turn to cook and we had another nice dinner with wine and then watched the Academy Awards together. He had a couple beer while we watched tv. He told me how much he missed me while I was gone and that he couldn't wait to get moved up here and build his retirement house....adding that he would love to share it with me. I had to work in the morning so I left after midnight to try and get some much needed sleep.

Monday we talked on the phone and he said that he wasn't feeling well. I joked that I hoped it wasn't my cooking and he assured me it wasn't. He thought he'd caught a flu bug and I hoped that I wouldn't get it too. We didn't see each other Monday but we talked online and made plans for me to go out to his place again Tuesday night. He had filled up the hot tub and said he'd cook a roast for dinner. His internet connection died on him and I never heard back from him so I decided to just show up Tuesday night and hope that the plans were still in place.

He was sitting on the deck waiting for me on Tuesday when I got there. He said he still wasn't feeling all that well but that he'd be okay. We walked down to the ice hut on the lake where I met his friend/neighbor. I had come directly from work so he gave me a pair of his boots and a coat to wear because my little boots and leather jacket weren't really appropriate for walking on the lake. I was swimming around inside his rather large boots and coat and I'm glad there was no camera present. The neighbor and his wife were having major marriage problems which were discussed in front of me. After visiting for a bit we headed back to his place for dinner. He opened a bottle of wine with dinner and he drank most of it during the evening. We sat in the hot tub outside under a star-filled night for a couple hours. It was a very romantic setting and things seemed to be going really well between us. Unfortunately, I had to work in the morning so I had to leave around 11pm. He had to take his icehut off the lake the next day so he was going to be busy but we made plans to get together Thursday night. He would come to my place for dinner and then come watch me play volleyball at 8pm.

Wednesday afternoon we spoke again. He said he was still sick and feeling even worse. Said that he spent most of the day in bed. Not sure if he even got the hut off the lake. I spent the evening getting things ready for dinner the next night. Thursday morning I called him to see how he was feeling and he said that he was feeling really crappy and that he wanted to see a doctor. I made some calls to find a walk in clinic he could go to and called him back with a number. He called me back to say he had an appointment at 5. I asked him to stop by my apartment before his appointment and we'd make plans from there. He agreed and said he'd see me at 4:15 when I got home from work. That was just before noon.

I got home from work and waited....and waited.....and waited. I sent him a text, no reply. I called his place, no answer. Went to volleyball and still not word from him. By the time I got home from volleyball at 9pm I was getting very worried. I had visions of him being in the hospital or worse. My first instinct was to drive out to his camp and check on him but I thought that might not be the best idea going out there alone so late. My Mom would have heart failure at the thought. So I went to bed and tried to sleep. I had made arrangements at work that I might take Friday off to spend the day with him seeing as he would be heading back to Toronto on Sunday. I barely slept.

Woke up at 5am and still no word so I showered and dressed and decided to drive out there. I stopped and picked up some muffins thinking he might want something to eat. While I was driving out there my imagination was running wild. Was I going to discover a dead body? Would he be in bed with some woman? Would he think I was an intruder and shoot me? Ya, I've got a vivid imagination. When I pulled in his driveway his vehicle was there. His snowmachine was sitting in the yard and there were fresh tracks in the yard. I thought that was strange seeing as it hadn't been out on Tuesday when I left and he said he was sick in bed for the past two days.

I went to the door and called out his name while knocking. I may have even ducked slightly in case the bullets started flying. There was no response so I went inside and continued calling out to him. I found him in his bedroom....naked....damn, he has a great body. *sigh* Sorry, got lost in thought there for a minute. He wasn't moving at first and I was afraid that my vivid imagination wasn't so far off the mark but then he began to stir. Phewww! Relief filled me. I sat down on the edge of the bed and asked him if he was okay....told him i was very worried about him. He was totally incoherent in his answers. He started saying something about Demerol. I had no idea what he was saying so I asked him if he took Demerol. He said that nobody told him it would make him so sleepy. I questioned why he had taken Demerol for an upset stomach and he answered that I had told him to. I said that I had told him to take GRAVOL, no Demerol! He said, ya....that's what I meant.

I was somewhat relieved that he hadn't taken Demerol but was still trying to figure out why he was so incoherent. He seemed totally out of it. I asked how he was feeling and he said he was still feeling crappy. His stomach was making noises like it had been on Tuesday. I asked him what the doctor said and he mumbled that he slept all afternoon and missed the appointment. I asked him why he didn't return my calls and said that I was very worried when I didn't hear from him. He started snoring. I asked him if he wanted anything, that I had brought him some muffins if he wanted to try eating. He asked for water. When I went to the kitchen to get him water I found about 8 empty pop cans and an empty bottle of Captain Morgan's. Suddenly all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place.

I went back into the bedroom and asked him if he'd had anything to drink while he sipped on the water. He said "not as much as you'd think". Still not sure what that was supposed to mean. He then said that the neighbor lady had come over last night to cry on his shoulder. I told him that I had made arrangements to take the day off to spend with him and asked if he was going to wake up soon. It was after 7am and if he'd been sleeping for as many hours as he lead me to believe he should be awake. Even a couple gravol wouldn't lay a 6', 205 lb man out for THAT long! He kept falling asleep and I had to ask him again if I should just go to work or if he wanted me to stay to take care of him. He said he needed to sleep another 4 hours at least. At this point I didn't know what to do. I went out to the sunroom and drank my hot chocolate and tried to think. I decided that this was ridiculous....I had to leave. I went back in and told him I was leaving. Said that he should call me later and let me know how he was. It's now very early Sunday morning and I still haven't heard from him.

Bad news? It didn't work out between us. Good news? I found out before it went too far. With each new dating experience I learn. What I learned from this one is to trust my gut. Friday night I thought he was drinking quite a bit but I wrote it off as his first night of vacation and maybe some nerves about our first meeting. Sunday? He drank three different kinds of alcohol while I was there. That reminded me of an old friend who used to drink whatever was available....he was an alcoholic. Even on Tuesday when he said his stomach was upset....he still drank. I had a feeling he was drinking too much but I may have dismissed it because everything else about this guy was so good. From now on I'll try to listen to my gut.

PS: I've missed you all. Yes, even you. *grin*


Blogger Breezy said...

This makes me so happy! Yay you're back blogging!!!

Oh, sorry it didn't work out... but yep all that alcohol is a huge warning. *smooch*

Sun. Mar. 14, 09:33:00 a.m. EDT  
Blogger Bravie said...

Sorry this one didn't work out but glad you found out early enough. Just be careful out there. *smooch*

Sun. Mar. 14, 11:12:00 a.m. EDT  
Blogger kim (weltek) said...

I imagine you are meeting quite the cast of characters. While dating can be very fun, it can also be a crazy ride! I have a few single friends that tell the best stories. I can't wait to hear all of yours. At least, like you said, you didn't get further in the relationship before discovering the issue.

*smooch* I've missed your blogging.

Oh, and *cough*morepublicdatesfirstbeforemeetingataprivateresidence*cough*
Ok, that's enough momming by me for one day.

Sun. Mar. 14, 12:17:00 p.m. EDT  
Blogger kim (weltek) said...

Hey, my *cough* got cut off...but I think you get what I wrote.

Sun. Mar. 14, 12:17:00 p.m. EDT  
Blogger Glowie said...

So glad to see you blogging again. I'm sorry this one didn't work out for you. I agree 100% with Kim about more public dates. Do be careful.

Mon. Mar. 15, 08:19:00 a.m. EDT  
Blogger Swami said...

Yay! Lights is blogging again!

Yikes! Dating can be such a mixed bag of surprises - some good, some bad. Guy does sound like a real alcoholic. I always did first dates in a public place, or with a group of people around. You Canadian girls are so bold & trusting, lol. At least you got to see him naked.

Mon. Mar. 15, 12:14:00 p.m. EDT  
Blogger miamicatt said...


You made the right call. Better things are in store.

Mon. Mar. 15, 03:38:00 p.m. EDT  
Blogger lights said...

While I did figure this guy out fairly quickly this experience has still somewhat knocked the wind out of my sails. Had a rough day today. At lunchtime I was asking my coworker's opinions of whether I should send him an email. Not even sure what I would say but I just feel like there was no "closure" to this chapter. One of my coworkers made a comment about him just not being "that into me". It stung pretty bad. She can be a real bitch at times.

Normally I meet new guys in public places and I think from now on I will insist on it. Somehow I just felt comfortable with him to meet at his place.

So what do you think? Email...good idea or bad idea?

Mon. Mar. 15, 07:51:00 p.m. EDT  
Blogger maroonclown said...

Yay! Blogging again. Love it.

When I was reading this one song came to mind - "Signs, Signs, everywhere a sign, do this, don't do that, can't you read the signs?"

Also, when reading your post, I thought of my own life and Carlos'. We have sambucca Saturday and Sunday when we have a slowly sipped shot after 10:00 am, after breakfast while we read the newspapers.

We have cocktails when we come home from work. Then a bottle of wine over a homecooked meal. Do we drink too much? Yes.

But over the last few months we've hauled back on the weekngiht drinking. Mostly because I need to drop some weight fast and the Carlos' doctor is concerned about his "levels".

But reading your blog makes a dudette think that maybe more work needs to be done.

Thank you Linda. You may have made a larger impression than you think.

Mon. Mar. 15, 09:49:00 p.m. EDT  
Blogger lights said...

Hey, if tales of my dating woes can make that kind of impression I guess I really should keep writing them.

Personally, I don't drink nearly as much as I used to. Some would say that I drank too much. I don't know if I'd go quite that far. I'd have a drink every night when I got home from work. Sometimes two. On weekends it could be many more than that. I've joked that I don't need to drink now but I think that may be close to the truth. LOL!

Sat. Mar. 20, 11:32:00 p.m. EDT  
Blogger Puffy said...

I just found out that you're blogging again. Thank goodness! I like your stories.

Sat. May 01, 01:29:00 a.m. EDT  

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