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Location: Middle of Nowhere, Northern Ontario, Canada

Monday, March 19

Flirting at work...

How much is too much? Do you do it? What is crossing the line?

Background story. Two guys that I work with have both been pretty flirty with me lately. I'm not offended by it. I might even be a little flattered by it. But I think I might be a little confused or surprised about it. They are both really nice guys that I've developed a fun, joking around kind of relationship with in the year that I've worked here. Both have been married for quite a while. I'm a bit of a flirt myself but usually only with people that I know really well.

One of them left me a voice mail message a while back with some part numbers. He read them off and one of them had a "69" in it. When he read that he hesitated and added "that's a good number". That was the beginning of it. I laughed about his voice mail and ever since then he's been really flirty with me. The other guy commented on how well I filled out my jeans on Friday. That one really floored me because he just didn't seem like the kind of guy to say something like that. I laughed it off but it kind of stuck with me all day. I wondered if I'm sending out some kind of vibe. I'm really not offended by the comments but it has made me question myself.

Mr 69 calls me every day now. Most of the time there's something work related but there's always a non-work conversation involved. He's a lot of fun and we always have a couple of laughs. I'm pretty sure it's all harmless but I don't want any misunderstandings.

Comments? Related stories? Talk to me...


Blogger Schnookie said...

Telling you that you fill out your jeans nicely would be crossing the line in my opinion. However, I'm a prude.

Could be that they can see you are a terrific lady, one with a great sense of humor and one that gets along with other people. Perhaps it's all just good natured.

It's nice to have a great work environment where people get along and can joke around.

However, if you are worried that there may some day be a misunderstanding or if you are starting to feel uncomfortable, I'd just make sure I didn't say any off-color jokes to them.

*wolf whistles at Lightsy in her sexy jeans*

Mon. Mar. 19, 09:23:00 p.m. EDT  
Blogger Swami said...

Lights - too sexy for her jeans, too sexy for her jeans....

I've been out of a workplace for quite a few years now but my memory is that too much flirty can put off other people even if it is not a big issue for you, and that when the flirty 'spreads' as it seems to have done with jeans guy then there is always the possibility that some guy you don't really like will jump on the bandwagon.

Corporately speaking, Tom bends over backwards to not say or do anything that might be misconstrued. There are lots of things to joke about besides sexual things.

I think they all just want to be invited to one of your legendary cabin weekends!

Tue. Mar. 20, 09:13:00 a.m. EDT  
Blogger mm said...

Maybe you can start working DH into more conversations? As a gentle reminder. Ack, I don't know. If it's innocent, it would be loads of fun, but on the other hand...

Just be careful, you hot thing! ;-)

Tue. Mar. 20, 02:26:00 p.m. EDT  
Blogger lights said...

*giggles @ someone named Nookie being a prude*

I don't think I'm a prude by any stretch of the imagination but the "filling out the jeans" comment kind of threw me. First, I think the man needs to get his glasses checked because he obviously has problems. He must have the opposite of magnifying glasses. *giggle* I'm hoping that it's all just good natured fun but I don't want to get in over my head.

At my previous job I joked around with one of my co-workers about him and I being like an old married couple and all the sexual inuendos that went along with it. We'd worked together for so long that we both felt comfortable with the joking and knew that it was just that. Maybe what makes me feel slightly off about this is that I don't feel like I know these guys well enough to joke around like that yet and I don't want them to get the wrong idea about me.

I've been pretty guarded about what I say in return. Don't want to send any messages to encourage them but also don't want them to think I'm a prude. Fine line. *snicker*

Swamisunshine, the "flirty spread" thing is something that's been in the back of my mind. I agree about the bandwagon jumpers. I don't want to get the wrong reputation.

There was an information session about sexual harrassment when I was hired so I'm not too worried about it getting out of hand. I'd feel comfortable enough with these two guys to say something if it went too far.

They probably will be invited to a cottage party this summer, along with their lovely wives. *grin*

MM, I did exactly that today! Great minds, eh? I got a ride to the car dealership to pick up my car tonight with Mr. Filled Jeans. He was a perfect gentleman, opening the door for me and everything. The seat was pulled all the way ahead and I made a comment that his wife must be petite. Then I made sure I talked about Dave too.

He'd made a comment earlier today. He gave me a couple requisitions for things he needed bought and said he needed them by noon. When I called him back to say that the one item would take a week to come in he said it was okay. I joked about him saying that he wanted it by noon and he said,"No, I said I wanted YOU by noon."

And for the record, I am so not hot or sexy. Maybe thats why I'm surprised by this.

Tue. Mar. 20, 05:20:00 p.m. EDT  
Blogger Bravie said...

That's a difficult one. I'm also a huge flirt at work, including with my boss. But there is a difference here because I'm gay and out and so there will never ever be any confusion about the direction of our flirting.
Flirting can be dangerous. When I was a bartender I was basically paid to flirt. Most guys knew that it was all in fun. But, I did have one guy actually bring in his family and he had a ring and he asked me to marry him. Huh? from flirting.
I have also been on that end. But it wasn't the same. I didn't fall in love with this person because of the flirting. It started out as fun and flirt but it was the rest of the person that I fell for. I would have developed the exact same feelings even if we had not been flirty with each other. I wasn't really mislead by the flirting per se.
so for now, I still flirt with many people. Both men and women. And always in my mind, it is nothing more. I wait until the other person does or says something that makes it totally clear that it has gone beyond flirting for them and then I somehow let them know that it is just flirting for me. *shrug*

Tue. Mar. 20, 07:26:00 p.m. EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very interesting. I think it's a tough one too.

I flirt, but sometimes I'm not really even aware of it. It's part of my personality. It can be flattering. And it certainly is a confidence booster.

I think it crosses the line when someone becomes uncomfortable. And that can be hard if you don't know you've crossed it.

I had a conversation a year ago with a guy that went something like this:

Me: John, when you have a second I need to borrow you.

John: Is it going to be stressful?

Me: Do you want it to be?

Then there was this look between the two of us, we both laughed, and neither was uncomfortable. My husband probably wouldn't have liked it.

I don't know.

Thu. Mar. 22, 10:32:00 a.m. EDT  
Blogger kim (weltek) said...

Hm. I agree with Nookie. I think the jeans comment was crossing the line. I just really try to leave the flirting out of the workplace, as I've known too many people that get in awkward situations becaue of it. And it sends the message to the flirter that it's ok to do it with EVERYONE, when not all people will be receptive to it.

If I worked in the types of places in the position you do, my view might be different. Chris's fishing message board had a big discussion about this recently and it was apparent people had very different experiences.

Fri. Mar. 23, 11:20:00 a.m. EDT  
Blogger Puffy said...

Perhaps they'll sue you for sexual harrassment when you don't deliver.

Sat. Mar. 24, 07:04:00 p.m. EDT  
Blogger mm said...

sent you a PM at the other place, Lights!

Mon. Mar. 26, 03:51:00 a.m. EDT  
Blogger MTW said...

Well, I can't comment on how you fill out your jeans, but I remember the Guesstures game and you certainly fill out your blouse quite nicely! ;-)

*mumble, mumble, something about making me fill out MY jeans*

Mon. Mar. 26, 06:00:00 p.m. EDT  
Blogger Lasann said...

I usually don't pick up on flirting and don't feel I flirt. My Dbf thinks I flirt but then even saying hi to a male is flirting to him. I spend all my time at work around men and the talk can go anywhere and usually does. Two instances that made me wonder:

The cleaning man, a rather tall skinny unattractive gentleman with some sort of social problem (he is just really socially inept and rarely looks anyone in the eye) starting spending an unusal amount of time in the chair in my office. I feel sorry for him and would talk to him (I'm always very friendly to the cleaning staff). He started making comments about me coming over, bringing me little things he picked out of the trash (a miniture, very small chicken? and part of a McDonalds toy). I worked my Dbf into the conversation - the fact that I live with him. Suddenly the long visits stopped.

The other is a person that I've talked to in the smoke shack quite often. When I had my hip surgery he sent a Sudkou puzzle book home with Dbf. I didn't think anything of it other than it was nice. He had recently had surgery and I thought he knew how boring it could be to be bedridden at home. My Dbf threw a fit about it and was convinced the guy "liked" me. Just last week (this is almost a year from surgery) the same guy and I talked for, like 30 minutes or so and I, for the first time got the impression that maybe he does "like" me. I'm figuring he is currently between mates and is fishing.

Tue. Mar. 27, 11:36:00 a.m. EDT  
Blogger lights said...

I don't think I deliberately try to flirt but apparently my joking around and being friendly comes off as flirty to some. It's just natural for me I guess.

Kim, I think it does make a difference about the environment you work in. The flirting has come from guys that work out in the plant, not from the office workers. I've worked in a manufacturing environment all my life and I'm used to it and, for the most part, it doesn't bother me. This just took me off guard. Since my original post it has been toned down. Maybe the vibe I've been sending since then has worked. I still like to joke around but won't let it get out of hand.

Got the pm mm! Thanks. I'll get on that as soon as I have a bit of time. *smoooch*

MTW? Are you flirting with me? *wink*

Lasann, the funny thing is that Mr Filled Jeans has brought me a couple little presents. First a Dale Jr. key chain for my new car and then a post card from his trip to Florida. Nothing extravagent by any means, but it did make me feel a little awkward. While I appreciate the gesture, I don't really want him buying me presents.

Thanks for all the thoughts on this. I'm always interested in what you all think.

Tue. Mar. 27, 06:05:00 p.m. EDT  
Blogger bobdechemist said...

I'd say that if it feels a bit off, it probably is. A couple times that I've had the opportunity to see things play out my hunches were correct.

Toning it down a bit (as you are doing) is probebly best. You can always ramp it up a bit after establishing a solid grounding of friendship.

Sun. Apr. 01, 06:33:00 p.m. EDT  

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