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Location: Middle of Nowhere, Northern Ontario, Canada

Monday, October 16

Jehovah's Witnesses, Dead Hummingbird, and the QPP

Friday night we headed up to the cottage for the weekend. There were plans for a 40th Birthday party on Saturday night and we had friends coming to decorate the place after supper. While Dave got the fire going to warm the place up I picked up some groceries. We had received about 5" of snow overnight Thursday and Friday morning so it was a little sloppy to say the least. As soon as I got there I turned the oven on to make supper. Ten minutes later when I went to put the supper in, the oven was still cold. WTF! I had 20 people coming for a pot luck dinner the next day. This was not good.

Dave spent the rest of the night trying to fix it. We thought it had something to do with the automatic timer because I remember bumping the dial last weekend while cleaning up after cooking the turkey for Thanksgiving. He's a pretty handy guy and after about 4 hours of working on it he was getting a little frustrated so we called it a night. The decorations were up so we made toasted turkey sammiches (for the fifth consecutive day) and went to bed.

Sunday morning the sun came out and things looked good. I started making my contributions to the pot luck (crab dip, nacho dip and pasta salad - and wings that required an oven to cook). Dave headed to town to try and find a solution to the dead oven and take Holly for a haircut. By the time he got back I was cleaning up but still wearing a pair of green shorts and a white t-shirt with no bra. While he was in behind the stove I heard a knock on the door. Who could it be? None of our friends knock on the door. I ran to the bedroom and grabbed my red jacket and went to answer the door. Two women, dressed in skirts carrying briefcases. I knew exactly what they wanted. As soon as she started to pull out her Watchtower pamphlets I told her I wasn't interested. She was good about it and said another time maybe. Sure, when hell freezes over come on back. It was bad enough when I got a telemarketer calling me on the cottage phone, now Jehovah's at my cottage door! Is nothing sacred?

We never did get the oven working but decided that we'd make do. There was the BBQ, the oven in the camper and neighbors who would lend their oven if we needed it. The guests began arriving around 1:30 pm and the party started. One of the guests was out in the porch having a smoke and noticed something hanging off a fishing rod that was suspended from the ceiling. He asked Dave what the hell he was trying to catch using a dead hummingbird for bait. We thought he was joking but when we went to look, sure enough there was a tiny little hummingbird hanging upside down from the fishing rod with his little tongue hanging out. Poor little bastard. He must have got trapped inside and either starved or froze to death. So now we've got a dead oven and a dead hummingbird. No wonder the Jehovah's were at my door.

The party was going well. Lots of laughs, lots of drinks and TONS of food. We made do without the oven and a good time was had by all. We had a campfire going outside and some stayed inside out of the cold. The birthday girl's husband came in from the campfire and was totally hammered. Staggering and babbling and we were all getting a good laugh at him. For some unknown reason, as he was gettting ready to go back outside he picked up the phone and dialed 911 and then hung up. It's completely out of charactor for him and we were all quite surprised. Everyone gave him hell and told him you could get charged for doing that. He was too drunk to care at that point. The phone rang and he picked it up. He spoke french telling the caller that it was an accident and apologized. They asked him for his name and he didn't want to give it so he hung up again. At this point I'm getting a little ansty. He was laughing about it. How stupid did they think he was? No way he was giving them his name he said. Um, ya, like they don't now have MY name and address. I tried to pick up the phone but there was nobody there.

He finally went back outside and I started cleaning up dishes and putting food away. As we were doing the dishes everyone was still shaking their heads about him pulling this bonehead move. Next thing I know, someone tells me the police are at the door. Sure enough, two Quebec Provincial Police are standing in my doorway. This just isn't my weekend. Then I got a good look at the male cop and kind of hoped he'd frisk me and cart me off to jail. Hubba, hubba! He was HOT!!! As I'm trying not to drool he's asking me my name and birthdate. Suddenly I had this awful feeling that the birthday girl might think this had all been a set up and that the cop was really a stripper for her! I couldn't help but picture her coming over and trying to help him out of his bullet-proof vest. That would have been just my luck.

I apologized and said that it was an accident by a drunk and assured him that I wouldn't let it happen again. He was very nice about it and joked around with us a bit and then left with no damage done. He felt pretty embarassed about it the next morning and the birthday girl was pretty pissed at him but I told her not to give him too much of a hard time. I'm sure nobody will ever let him forget it.

This was the third 40th birthday party I've hosted at the cottage in as many years. Each party has had some sort of drama happen. This year we kept saying that it was to be a drama free zone. I guess someone didn't get the memo. *snicker* Anyone have a 40th birthday coming up? Want me to host the party?


Blogger Swami said...

My 40th has come & gone. I was up to my eyeballs in autism at that time and I have no memory of it at all.

Poor little hummingbird. I like hummingbirds. Did you have to bribe the QPP with hot dish?

Mon. Oct. 16, 08:04:00 p.m. EDT  
Blogger Swami said...

Oh yeah - I forgot about the Witnesses. One of the great advantages of living on a private road is that I can throw people like that off the whole road and they don't come back for years. JWs are very conscientious about obeying the law.

Mon. Oct. 16, 08:07:00 p.m. EDT  
Blogger Bravie said...

As a matter of fact...:)
27th of this month, I will be the big four oh.

Tue. Oct. 17, 12:21:00 a.m. EDT  
Blogger kim (weltek) said...

WEird about the hummingbird. Even weirder about the guys urge to call 911. You had a very strange weekend. *smooch* to you for being the hostess with the mostess.

And I won't be turning 40 for quite some time. Just wanted to point that out. :-)

Tue. Oct. 17, 11:36:00 a.m. EDT  
Blogger Breezy said...

I think you should fly out to SF with me for Carey's party.

Tue. Oct. 17, 12:56:00 p.m. EDT  
Blogger Puffy said...

Who takes a picture of a dead hummingbird? Oh yeh, most of us.
And it does look like a little tongue is sticking out! You sure know how to throw a memorable party.

I had 27 people over a couple of weeks ago and the power was out for about an hour in the afternoon. Just as I was getting out the candles, the power came back on.

Tue. Oct. 17, 03:07:00 p.m. EDT  
Blogger Bravie said...

Yeah, fly out with Breezy. Purty pleeze.

Wed. Oct. 18, 11:14:00 p.m. EDT  
Blogger Coco said...

Okay, hi, dead birds? I love you, Lightsy, but no more dead birds, I beg you.

Otherwise, sounds like fun. I'll be sure to hire you when I turn forty a long time from now.

Thu. Oct. 19, 09:15:00 a.m. EDT  
Blogger augie said...

I'm wondering if it's the cottage's fault, or the hostess' fault for all chaos? *grin*

If i ever figure out how to go back in time you can host my 40th b-day party. But only if hunky QPP guy comes knocking.

Sat. Oct. 21, 03:49:00 p.m. EDT  
Blogger Mom2BJM said...

I have one coming up in Feb, but I think it'll be TOO cold in your part of the world! If you can arrange it here in Sunny AZ, I'm sure DH will appreciate not having to throw me a partay!

Mon. Oct. 23, 01:32:00 p.m. EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I forgot where you were for a minute and when I read "Thanksgiving," I thought your blog was messed up as well.

Mon. Oct. 23, 04:29:00 p.m. EDT  
Blogger lights said...

Swami, I have no memory of my 40th birthday either! *grin* I like hummingbirds too and I was soooo sad to see the poor little thing. I would have been quite willing to offer up something hot to him!

Carey? You've got a birthday coming up? Why didn't somebody tell me? I would have flown out to party with you! *pout*

*whacks Kim for being such a babe*

*waits for Breezy to send me an airline ticket*

Poor Puffy! It was bad enough that the oven quit, without ALL the power going out!

Coco, if I'm not in a home by the time you turn 40 I'd be happy to host your 40th! Poutine and touques for everyone!

I blame the cottage Augie. It can't be MY fault. I'll see if we can book the hunky QPP for your 50th! I know it's a long way away but...

Nice to see you here Mom! We have spent February weekends at the cottage too. Snowmobiling, sliding and drunken snowmen! Sound like fun? If not, I'd be quite willing to come to AZ in February. Really. Not a problem.

Silly Boo. You Americans and your "too close to Christmas" Thanksgiving.

Mon. Oct. 23, 06:54:00 p.m. EDT  
Blogger lights said...

Just re-read my reply and wanted to clarify the first paragraph that I would have offered up something hot to the QPP, not the hummingbird.

Mon. Oct. 23, 06:56:00 p.m. EDT  
Blogger ~Nutz said...

I'll be 40 next June! Can we all come up there for my party? *grin*

Tue. Oct. 24, 03:37:00 p.m. EDT  
Blogger lights said...


*runs off to start planning Nutzy's 40th*

Tue. Oct. 24, 05:26:00 p.m. EDT  

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